Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
