Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize