don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
