he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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