she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My legs feel like baby dolphins
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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