took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
