Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
