sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
