This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
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Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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