Yo dont text me then not text me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
