I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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