it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
