If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
