Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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