Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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