you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
