Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
