Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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