So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
