ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
