long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
