Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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