i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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