My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
