drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
