I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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