What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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