How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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