im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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