Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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