i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
