No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
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