They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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