god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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