Umm I'm too high to move.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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