ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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