The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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