i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
