if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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