Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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