you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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