So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
