We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
