omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
