Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
