Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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