"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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