yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
