so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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