man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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