At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
