Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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