i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I deserve this hangover.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
