Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize