yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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