WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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